Quote: “In the end, the only steps that matter are the ones
you take all by yourself.” –The Weepies
You know that feeling when you’re standing on the edge of an
extremely tall cliff, looking out over the edge at the miniscule little trees,
building and people below, just about to jump—with a bungee cord attached of
course? Okay, well I’ve actually never jumped off any cliff, I’m too horrified
of heights to attempt that. Well….there was this one time in New Zealand during
my senior trip that I did a terrifying bungee drop thing…but that’s for another
day. Anyway, I’ve heard about this feeling of complete and udder terror that
one experiences right before they jump, and here’s what I would compare it to:
going out by myself for the first time in a city to which I have never been before
where practically no one speaks my language. Wednesday, when I formed a
resolution that I was going to go find the city center where I had gone with
Marion the first Saturday I arrived, I experienced this feeling. It happens to
me every single time I’m in a new city. Even when I went to New York and had to
navigate through the city by myself for a few hours. I have no idea where my
outrageous fear of being lost came from, but the anxiety that accompanies even
a notion that I may be lost is nearly paralyzing (that includes getting lost in
Smithton…Saint Louis…Louisville, etc.). Being aware of this phobia, however,
allows me to recognize how irrational it is and to take the necessary steps to
overcome it. So, to recap the events leading up to this incredibly gratifying
experience:
Work:
I’ve sorted through all 600+ photos of the elderly people
and grouped them into their appropriate folders. While it is certainly not the
most enthralling of tasks, the faces can be quite amusing at times and Marion
and I get in a good laugh every now and then from one of them. Marion had to
work at a different building on Wednesday, so I stayed home and worked because
the thought of sitting in the tiny office all alone all day and then having to
venture to lunch in a cafeteria where I know no one and everyone speaks French
was not appealing to me.
That leads me to meals:
Though eating is one of my favorite activities…hobbies…time-killers...whatever
you want to name it, eating meals here has proven to be one of the most
uncomfortable activities of every day. Breakfast is good because I eat the food
I have here at at the house by myself. Lunch itself, as in the food, is
extraordinarily good at the cafeteria at the IRD, however, it is not
exceptionally entertaining because no one here seems to feel the need to speak English
(which they all can) or to at least speak French a bit more slowly so that I
have even a small hope of understanding. So most lunches are spent by me
exchanging a few words with Marion, and the rest of the time just getting
excited over understanding a chain of three or more French words that someone
has spoken. In other words, my threshold for excitement is much lower than when
I arrived.
The worst meal has to be dinner though. Again, not the food,
just the uncomfortable encounter of trying to figure out whether or not I’m
supposed to eat with Claire and Peter or on my own. The first night they were
here, Claire invited me to eat with them. Then Monday night, Claire was out
late and I was hanging out in the kitchen with Peter while he cooked dinner. He
was telling me all about what he was making and how and so on and so forth. I
offered to help, but he had it under control. Then, when Claire called to say
she was on her way home, Peter set the table…for two. Hmmm. I would have made something
for myself, but the entire kitchen counter, oven, and stove were all full of
stuff Peter was making. So, since these situations make me very uncomfortable,
I decided to just head on up to bed (it was already 10 o’clock anyway). A
little while later, Claire came in to ask if I had eaten and I said I had. Which
I had…thank goodness I packed snacks for the way over! Apparently they are used
to having a bunch of people in the house so it has always been sort of a fend-for-yourself
environment. She said they aren’t used to having just one other person in the
house. She said I could come down and eat if I wanted to, but since I was already
in my pajamas and had divulged in 2 Quaker breakfast bars, I politely declined.
Tuesday was better. Claire was cooking and asked if I would join
them for dinner that night. She invited the kid who is living in the Roulotte
out back to come as well. If you don’t know what a Roulotte is, neither do I.
It translates to English as “trailer.” If you want to more, visit this website:
http://www.roulotte-exception.com/ . Anyway, dinner was great, and really fun!
We ended up staying out until midnight (we ate at the table in the rock garden
outside because the night was beautiful)!
Since Tuesday, I’ve been on my own.
On to Lodging:
Claire and Peter left Wednesday morning for Paris—Claire’s
business has her traveling a lot. They most likely won’t return until late
Sunday. Which leaves me on my own until then. I figured I would be fine since
the first two nights I was here, I was on my own. However, last night I was
scared shitless all night long. I was sleeping with the window in my room open
because it was unusually hot upstairs last night and I heard creepy, eerie
noises outside all night. I’m on the second floor which makes it a bit better,
but I could have sworn I heard something downstairs. Ugh. It gives me the
heeby-jeebies just thinking about it. It took me forever to doze off, and right
as I did I heard some loud noise outside again. It is hard to tell what is
happening in our yard and what is happening outside of our yard, because all of
the yards are very small and only fences block one from the other. There is an
apartment building and parking lot right behind the house and other houses on
all the other sides. Apparently Claire’s brother lives in one of the houses
next to ours, so I should be fairly safe. But I certainly let my imagination
get the best of me! Then this morning, I could have sworn I heard someone
downstairs again. Turns out, I did! Don’t freak out mom, it was just the kid
from the Roulotte. I didn’t actually see him, but when I came downstairs, there
was a note on the counter and he had left the keys to the Roulotte because he was
leaving for Paris today. Whew!!! Thank goodness for that!
Tonight, two people have come up to the house at different
times, and each time I have been absolutely horrified, but the first person was
the father of Claire’s kids who came to drop some stuff off, I figured when he
knew to come around to the back kitchen door when the front was locked that he
probably had been here before. He spoke English really well, so we chatted for
a bit and I wasn’t so freaked out. Then one of Claire’s neighbors came looking
for Claire, I successfully told her in French that Claire had gone to Paris J Yay! Hopefully tonight
will be less fear-filled.
And last but certainly not least, Stepping foot into the
great unknown:
As you already know, I’m less afraid of swimming in a shark
tank with a bloody nose than trying to find my way around an unknown city by
myself for the first time. So going to the grocery store on Tuesday required a
solid two days of pep-talks from myself…the super market is like a ten minute
walk away…I’m ridiculous. Anyway, I asked and re-asked Peter for directions
before I left. I made it there without a hitch and then thoroughly enjoyed my
time grocery shopping. No matter where I am in the world, grocery shopping is
one of the most relaxing and soothing activities I know. Seriously. Even when
all of the food products and aisles are marked in a different language, I
absolutely love grocery shopping! I found my way back without a problem too. One
point for Brittany’s sense of direction.
With that small feat under my belt, I took on the bus/tram
network after I finished my work on Wednesday. And again, I successfully made it
into the city center without getting on any buses or trams going in the wrong
direction! (there was one close call, but I caught it in time). I tried to find
the phone store so I could get my phone unlocked, but I had no such luck. I did
find a copious amount of wonderful shops and shoe stores...which I will
certainly be revisiting…along with a number of crêperies…woohoo!! I just walked
around the city for an hour or so, soaking in the sites and getting myself
acquainted. At one point I did end up semi-lost, but my ability to find and
correctly interpret road signs got me back on track! Two points for me again!
Tonight, I not only got back into the city center, but I
found the phone store (with a little guidance from Marion earlier in the day)
and told the guy (in French) what I needed. I was then able to understand what
he told me, which was that I had to go to another store in a different part of
the city to get the SIM card unlocked. He gave me directions and I was on my
way. I found the other store (which was in a part of the city that I’m pretty
sure I don’t want to return to…) and was able to convey in French again what I
needed done. The two guys working were very happy when I told them they spoke
English well even though their “English” was more like “Franglish.” Oh well, I
got done what I needed done, and had a little boosted confidence as well.
I’m a bit apprehensive about this weekend because Claire and
Peter won’t be back until Sunday, Fred won’t be back until Monday or Tuesday,
and Marion is leaving tomorrow to go visit her family, so I’ll have to be very
entertaining for myself L
I’m adjusting to this whole being alone thing, but I can’t say that I’m really
enjoying it. I think I might just tackle the next person that I hear speaking
English and make them spend the weekend with me. I don’t think that that would
be creepy at all J
Or maybe I’ll just have to go buy some new clothes to keep me company…that’s
always an option too.
Well thanks for listening to my griping…feel free to send me
facebook messages or e-mails or anything to help keep me entertained J
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